oh friends…this week changed me.
our speaker this week was joe ferrante – his topic was “the Father heart of God.” on monday after class, i had a really rough afternoon – i felt lost and confused, still unsure if this was the place for me. tuesday morning was enjoyable – but i still felt a nagging sense to leave. i went to town with two classmates and processed with them – talked through all the rough feelings i had, the thoughts i was having…i considered going to the airport, without my stuff…i just wanted to get out of here. my friend missy prayed over me and the situation – we prayed the whole time we drove down the road back to base, i felt refreshed and had some clarity.
tuesday nite is base meeting, a time when all the staff gets to hear from our DTS speaker. the room was full of people, but joe was speaking to me. when the meeting was over, missy asked me when i talked to joe – his message was full of specific answers to our prayer. it was crazy, friends – i never talked to joe. i felt so clearly called to stay here, that God will work great things through me while i’m here – it was so encouraging. later that night, missy anointed me with psalm 131 – which is a psalm i read nearly every morning since i got here…crazy again!
it gets better…wednesday in class we talked about shame and condemnation – how the enemy uses that to paralyze God’s most faithful servants. friends, the notes on the white board came straight from my journal…joe walked us through the steps of shame – doubt, confusion, fear, panic, and despair. i realized that i was living in shame/condemnation since i got here – the enemy convinced me that i wasn’t spiritual enough to be here, i was too worldly and not Christian enough to be here. anyway – it was so wild that joe’s message came when it did. i went into town on wednesday and was talking with my friend joy about how this is going – i mentioned that i wanted to thank joe for being so in tune with the Spirit and as we pulled into the starbucks parking lot we noticed joe’s car two spots down from us…i jumped out and talked with him.
so here’s the deal – the Spirit worked this week, joe wasn’t even supposed to be the speaker this week, and it’s possible that i wouldn’t have been here for week three – that’s how badly i wanted to leave. but not anymore, friends, i’m not going anywhere…i’m here til the end. and i’m so happy.